The Longest Story Ever by Andrew Wooding - Day #1

(You can join this epic story at any time, but have fun browsing the archives if you want to dip into past instalments or even start from the beginning. Feel free to leave your comments as well. Cartoons by Mychailo Kazybrid.)


There’s a very famous saying that goes: ‘Behind every good man, there’s a good woman.’ You might have heard it before. Julius Caesar had Mrs Julius Caesar. Winston Churchill had Mrs Winston Churchill. And Lord Nelson had Mrs Lord Nelson. He also had a son called Half Nelson who happened to be good at wrestling.

There’s another saying that’s not quite so famous. It goes: ‘Behind every world-famous poodle detective called Charlie the Dog, there’s a really horrendous maid called Ethel.’ It’s not the most catchy saying in the world but at least it’s true.

Ethel was the worst maid ever. She had been Charlie the Dog’s maid for years. She was terrible at cooking and always left the house in a worst state than before when she tried to tidy up. Charlie didn’t have the heart to sack her so he did his best to avoid her whenever he could.

‘Sir! Sir! Where are you, sir?’ she yelled. ‘I can’t find you anywhere!’

Ethel was in Charlie the Dog’s house, carrying a tray with his breakfast that she’d just made for him. The smell from the tray was worse than ten pairs of unclean socks soaked in a bowl of month-old egg yolks. Don’t be shocked. Her breakfasts always smelt like that.

‘Sir, come here, will you?’ she carried on yelling. ‘I've got some lovely breakfast for you! It's your favourite: snail flakes in milk, boiled snails on toast, fried snails in vinegar, and snail flavoured coffee with whipped cream on top. Come and get it!’

No one came and got it.

‘I said, come and get it!’ she screamed. ‘You know you love it! Did you hear me, sir? Come and get it!’

Poor Charlie the Dog was hiding. Would Ethel manage to find him? You’ll have to read tomorrow’s exciting instalment to discover the horrible truth.

Today’s total: 309 words (Total so far: 309 words)