The Longest Story Ever by Andrew Wooding - Day #8

(You can join this epic story at any time, but have fun browsing the archives if you want to dip into past instalments or even start from the beginning. Feel free to leave your comments as well. Cartoons by Mychailo Kazybrid.)


The Poodlemobile was Charlie the Dog’s very special car. It was state-of-the-art, crammed with all the latest technological marvels that a world-famous poodle needs to capture lots of world-renowned horrible supervillains.

It almost seemed a waste to use it to drive two miles up the road for a visit to the local tree centre. But that’s exactly what Charlie the Dog and his maid Ethel were doing right now.

Ethel was staring out of the window on the passenger side while Charlie was driving.

‘Is that the tree centre, sir?’ she said.

‘No,’ said Charlie. ‘That’s the key centre. They plant lots of keys in a field, then they grow into key bushes and you pick whatever size key you want off the branches.’

‘Hmm. Whatever will they think of next?’

They drove a bit further, then Ethel asked: ‘Is that the tree centre over there?’

‘No,’ said Charlie. ‘That’s the flea centre. They keep fleas in flea cages, and you can buy tiny flea leads for them and walk them home as your pet.’

‘Amazing,’ said Ethel.

Another half a mile or so into their journey, Ethel asked: ‘So, is that the tree centre?’

Charlie looked in the direction she was pointing.

‘Wrong again,’ he answered her. ‘That’s the Smee centre. It’s where people dress up as Smee, Captain Hook’s sidekick from Peter Pan. It’s really popular. For a modest fee you can hire your very own Smee for children’s parties, novelty discos, or even just to hoover up around the house and maybe clean your toilets.’

Ethel was fed up.

‘That’s all well and good, sir,’ she said, ‘but this is so frustrating. We’ve passed the key centre, the flea centre and the Smee centre. For all I know, we could also be passing a knee centre, a pea centre and a Sandra Dee centre for people who are into Grease the musical. What I want to know is: when are we going to get to the tree centre?’

Do you want to know as well, dear reader? Join us for tomorrow’s exciting instalment and you might just find out.


Today’s total: 352 words (Total so far: 2,605 words)